Those Advice shared by A Father That Helped Me when I became a First-Time Dad

"I believe I was just in survival mode for twelve months."

Ex- reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey expected to handle the difficulties of fatherhood.

However the actual experience rapidly proved to be "very different" to what he pictured.

Severe health complications around the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was thrust into becoming her main carer while also caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I handled every night time, every change… every walk. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

Following eleven months he reached burnout. That was when a chat with his own dad, on a public seat, that led him to understand he needed help.

The direct words "You aren't in a healthy space. You must get support. What can I do to support you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and start recovering.

His experience is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. Although the public is now more accustomed to discussing the strain on moms and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the difficulties fathers go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan thinks his difficulties are linked to a larger reluctance to communicate between men, who still absorb damaging perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and remains standing time and again."

"It's not a show of failure to ask for help. I didn't do that soon enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, says men often don't want to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - particularly in preference to a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental health is just as important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the opportunity to take a respite - spending a couple of days abroad, separate from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He understood he had to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions in addition to the day-to-day duties of taking care of a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has changed how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will help his son to better grasp the vocabulary of emotional life and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen was without consistent male a father figure. Despite having an "amazing" connection with his dad, profound difficult experiences meant his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says repressing feelings resulted in him make "bad decisions" when in his youth to modify how he felt, turning in substance use as a way out from the pain.

"You turn to substances that don't help," he notes. "They might briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling swamped, tell a family member, your partner or a therapist about your state of mind. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the things that helped you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. This might be exercising, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the body - nutritious food, getting some exercise and if you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is coping.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - listening to their journeys, the messy ones, as well as the joys, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Know that asking for help does not mean you've failed - prioritising yourself is the best way you can support your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the death, having not spoken to him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead provide the security and emotional support he lacked.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - expressing the feelings safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they confronted their pain, altered how they communicate, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I expressed, on occasion I believe my job is to guide and direct you what to do, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning as much as you are through this experience."